Gabe will be 7 months on Sunday. SEVEN months.
And I have all these feelings. All these thoughts. I started this blog because I wanted a place to look back on our life and see snapshots. To know and remember my kids at different stages. To record my thoughts on raising them so they would have a scrapbook of sorts one day. And while I'm not always consistent, I am so grateful for this little space. And I think, if this is the space that shows our life, I have to record this piece too.
How do you know when your last baby is your last? How do you know when your family is complete?
I look at my three, beautiful, HEALTHY boys and know what blessings they are to me. I am beyond grateful. I did nothing to deserve them. I am no one special, yet somehow, they are my biggest accomplishments.
But there is still this ache. This longing and desire for another. I can't place it. I can't even put my finger on why. Lord knows there are days when I am sure He questions giving me one, let alone three! So how could I possibly think one more would be a good idea??? Yet with the same breath I am cursing my skin that is so tough to tighten back up, I would do it all again. In a heartbeat.
But where do you draw the line? Will I always ache for the weight of a newborn in my arms? Will there always be a small piece of my heart that longs to see that pregnant show up? To sport a little {BIG} baby bump??
I want to be the best mom. I want to give my boys everything. I want to show them things in this world, and teach them, and be so very present in their lives.
I am conflicted. Can I do all that if we have another? Is it selfish to want another? Andrew and I already work so hard. We have such young ones, is it selfish to want another and steal time away from him and I?
I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what God's plan is for our family; if we are complete or not. But I do trust that He will guide us.
And in the mean time, I will soak up every minute with my babies.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Weekend Recap
Yeah so, technically I meant to post this yesterday but you know how Mondays can be right? Now add to that a traveling husband and we'll just say I ran out of time.
In all actuality, I just filled my day yesterday will my boys. I was drinking in my time with them. It was a perfect 70+ degree day {the only day like that this week} so we spent the morning outside, came in for lunch, and then met friends at the park to play. I made a SUPER simple dinner for the boys and then took them for ice cream; for which I had coupons so they indulged to the happy price of FREE! ;)
So no post yesterday.
But I feel like that perfect Monday come on the heels of a really great weekend.
{Friday}
Friday was a typical day. We didn't have any big plans really. Our boys slept later than usual because of a late night with friends the night before (more on that later). My brother came over to pick up Beau's old crib. He and my sister-in-law, Tori, are having their first baby in August. Another boy for that side of the family!! Andrew and I chatted with him for quite awhile. Hudson and Beau loved that Uncle J was over!
My friend, Tessa, messaged me about having lunch. This girl is one of the funniest, sweetest people I know so when I asked the boys if they wanted to have lunch with Tessa, they were all about it! Any adult interaction in my week is a plus. It was kind of cold and dreary, but we took the boys out for a walk. About a mile in we realized how cold and dreary it actually was. I ended up carrying Beau the whole mile home, Tessa carried Gabe, and poor Hud ran/walked the whole way! Such a trooper!
We came home and changed into some warmer clothes. Then, we met my in-laws for pizza. They came over for a bit after dinner to watch a local high school team in the semi-final state basketball game. After they left, it was still kind of early but Andrew and I had been totally thrown off from the time change so decided to go to bed! How exciting are we!
{Saturday}
Saturday morning Andrew and I were going to split duties. I needed to spring clean. I had already done my regular cleaning for the week but wanted to clean and scrub all the baseboards, clean my windows, dust on top of my cabinets, mop and vacuum again. Hudson needed to get a blood draw (his iron levels have been low). That obviously is no fun task so Andrew and Hudson had a special breakfast date before and then shopped for a friend's birthday present after. (See how we planned that--good, bad, good??) Beau, Gabe and I got to work. We were pretty much finished up by the time the other two got home.
After lunch and getting the boys down for nap, Andrew went for a run and then I went for a run. It was such a beautiful day. I wanted to take full advantage so decided to go further than I had been. I *thought* I remembered this route I had run with a friend, but apparently I didn't. I ended up getting turned around so three miles turned into about four and a half. It felt really good though and the day was beautiful!
I got cleaned up, made a corn casserole and then we loaded up to head to a friend's house for a cookout. Their set up was so beautiful, y'all. Their patio off the back, with a pool and this gorgeous gas fire pit. And then the backyard rolls down hill and backs up to a conservation area, which is perfect because they have like 8 horses or something. My boys were in heaven!! They rode a pony, rode the gator, ate burgers, chips and cookies. Talk about an ideal night! The sunset was beautiful. And I don't know if there is anything than spending the night with great friends around an open fire. Gabe was so mesmerized by the flames he fell asleep in my arms. We went home happy and tired.
{Sunday}
We woke up and got ready for church. We were well rested since the boys slept in and Gabe SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! Are you rejoicing with me??? (I mean, technically, he woke up at 5:30 for a bottle..but 9 pm to 5:30 am is through the night in my book!!)
Church was wonderful. We went to my parents' for lunch after and played there. Then Andrew had to go out of town for work. The boys went down for a late nap. We spent the evening playing outside and taking a walk. Hudson is riding a big boy bike with training wheels. He does great until we have to cross from one side of the sidewalk to another. He slows down and hits the incline awkward and tips. He definitely bit it a few times but he was getting better towards the end.
I hope you all had a wonderful weekend too! And have a great week!
In all actuality, I just filled my day yesterday will my boys. I was drinking in my time with them. It was a perfect 70+ degree day {the only day like that this week} so we spent the morning outside, came in for lunch, and then met friends at the park to play. I made a SUPER simple dinner for the boys and then took them for ice cream; for which I had coupons so they indulged to the happy price of FREE! ;)
So no post yesterday.
But I feel like that perfect Monday come on the heels of a really great weekend.
{Friday}
Friday was a typical day. We didn't have any big plans really. Our boys slept later than usual because of a late night with friends the night before (more on that later). My brother came over to pick up Beau's old crib. He and my sister-in-law, Tori, are having their first baby in August. Another boy for that side of the family!! Andrew and I chatted with him for quite awhile. Hudson and Beau loved that Uncle J was over!
My friend, Tessa, messaged me about having lunch. This girl is one of the funniest, sweetest people I know so when I asked the boys if they wanted to have lunch with Tessa, they were all about it! Any adult interaction in my week is a plus. It was kind of cold and dreary, but we took the boys out for a walk. About a mile in we realized how cold and dreary it actually was. I ended up carrying Beau the whole mile home, Tessa carried Gabe, and poor Hud ran/walked the whole way! Such a trooper!
We came home and changed into some warmer clothes. Then, we met my in-laws for pizza. They came over for a bit after dinner to watch a local high school team in the semi-final state basketball game. After they left, it was still kind of early but Andrew and I had been totally thrown off from the time change so decided to go to bed! How exciting are we!
{Saturday}
Saturday morning Andrew and I were going to split duties. I needed to spring clean. I had already done my regular cleaning for the week but wanted to clean and scrub all the baseboards, clean my windows, dust on top of my cabinets, mop and vacuum again. Hudson needed to get a blood draw (his iron levels have been low). That obviously is no fun task so Andrew and Hudson had a special breakfast date before and then shopped for a friend's birthday present after. (See how we planned that--good, bad, good??) Beau, Gabe and I got to work. We were pretty much finished up by the time the other two got home.
After lunch and getting the boys down for nap, Andrew went for a run and then I went for a run. It was such a beautiful day. I wanted to take full advantage so decided to go further than I had been. I *thought* I remembered this route I had run with a friend, but apparently I didn't. I ended up getting turned around so three miles turned into about four and a half. It felt really good though and the day was beautiful!
I got cleaned up, made a corn casserole and then we loaded up to head to a friend's house for a cookout. Their set up was so beautiful, y'all. Their patio off the back, with a pool and this gorgeous gas fire pit. And then the backyard rolls down hill and backs up to a conservation area, which is perfect because they have like 8 horses or something. My boys were in heaven!! They rode a pony, rode the gator, ate burgers, chips and cookies. Talk about an ideal night! The sunset was beautiful. And I don't know if there is anything than spending the night with great friends around an open fire. Gabe was so mesmerized by the flames he fell asleep in my arms. We went home happy and tired.
{Sunday}
We woke up and got ready for church. We were well rested since the boys slept in and Gabe SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! Are you rejoicing with me??? (I mean, technically, he woke up at 5:30 for a bottle..but 9 pm to 5:30 am is through the night in my book!!)
Church was wonderful. We went to my parents' for lunch after and played there. Then Andrew had to go out of town for work. The boys went down for a late nap. We spent the evening playing outside and taking a walk. Hudson is riding a big boy bike with training wheels. He does great until we have to cross from one side of the sidewalk to another. He slows down and hits the incline awkward and tips. He definitely bit it a few times but he was getting better towards the end.
I hope you all had a wonderful weekend too! And have a great week!
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Hitting the pause button
Thankfully the weather seems to have finally gotten the memo that spring is approaching. I don't know about you, but months and months of cold with lack of sun exposure and being cooped up indoors doesn't really sit well in my soul. I enjoy the snow and days in my pjs with the boys. But I can only take so many. Then I just long for walks, days at the park, swimming pools, grilling season, and nights around the fire pit.
Today was rainy. I had errands to run after taking Hudson to preschool. And errands with two littles in the rain {one still in an infant carrier} just doesn't scream fun. It doesn't put me in the best mood. Beau and Gabe were great and Gabe actually fell asleep by the time we got home. I had made a list of things to do earlier this morning and I had thought of about 10 more things to add to that list while out.
Do you ever have the feeling of being so overwhelmed by what you have to do that you don't know where to start? That was how I felt today. I went about making some calls, scheduling appointments, trying to cross things off the list. I folded laundry {does it ever end} and went to put it away when I saw Beau in his room, curled up in a chair.
I set my laundry basket down and said, "Hey, Beau Bear. What are you doing?"
To which he replied, "My don't know. I tired."
"Want mama to hold you?"
And my sweet, two and a half year old, more boy than baby these days guy crawled onto my lap and into my arms and just rested. Total peace. Deep breaths. Complete stillness.
And I rested. I paused on the day and soaked in the moment. Grateful that my sweet bear still wants to be held by his mommy. Thankful that, even though the days are crazy and oh-so-long during the winter months, I get to be the arms that hold him.
In that moment, God reminded me that taking a moment to pause is OK. He reminded me that I can always rest in His arms. That, I too, can experience peace and calm in His presence. I just have to be still long enough.
Today was rainy. I had errands to run after taking Hudson to preschool. And errands with two littles in the rain {one still in an infant carrier} just doesn't scream fun. It doesn't put me in the best mood. Beau and Gabe were great and Gabe actually fell asleep by the time we got home. I had made a list of things to do earlier this morning and I had thought of about 10 more things to add to that list while out.
Do you ever have the feeling of being so overwhelmed by what you have to do that you don't know where to start? That was how I felt today. I went about making some calls, scheduling appointments, trying to cross things off the list. I folded laundry {does it ever end} and went to put it away when I saw Beau in his room, curled up in a chair.
I set my laundry basket down and said, "Hey, Beau Bear. What are you doing?"
To which he replied, "My don't know. I tired."
"Want mama to hold you?"
And my sweet, two and a half year old, more boy than baby these days guy crawled onto my lap and into my arms and just rested. Total peace. Deep breaths. Complete stillness.
And I rested. I paused on the day and soaked in the moment. Grateful that my sweet bear still wants to be held by his mommy. Thankful that, even though the days are crazy and oh-so-long during the winter months, I get to be the arms that hold him.
In that moment, God reminded me that taking a moment to pause is OK. He reminded me that I can always rest in His arms. That, I too, can experience peace and calm in His presence. I just have to be still long enough.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Hudson These Days
At the breakfast table...
Hudson: What do you want to be when you grow up, Beau?
Beau: Beau Bear Bruce
H: Not your name. What do you want to be? I want to be a daddy. And a worker. And a police officer.
Hudson preparing for his first friend to sleepover...
Hudson: I think we'll play, eat pizza, play ninja turtles, play guns, have candy and watch a movie..
Me: Listening
Hudson: pausing, looking at me with a sidelong glance I think it's just going to be a guy night. You should probably stay with the girls and hang out.
Me: Stunned silence
Dinner conversations...
Andrew to Beau: Are you ready to go fishing?
Beau: I'm going to catch a BIG FISH!
Hudson: I'm going to catch a BIG FISH!
Andrew: We all will!
Hudson: Well, actually, (pointing), you, Beau, me and Gabe can go fishing.
Andrew: Where will mom be?
Hudson: shrugs Folding laundry.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
"Cowabunga, dude!!"
Growing up, I definitely did not watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And even though I had two brothers, they didn't watch the show either. Needless to say, I was oblivious to turtle power.
That is until Andrew. Andrew grew up loving TMNT. He had toys, lunch boxes, the bedding set, VHS tapes--he was a die hard.
You can imagine his excitement when Hudson found interest in the turtle gang. Andrew's mom had a whole trunk of old figurines and play sets. Hudson and Andrew started playing with them whenever we were over there. Hud's new found fascination has only grown so when asked what kind of party he wanted for his 4th birthday, it was no surprise when he said Mikey-angelo (his favorite turtle).
What little I know about turtles is that they love a good time, they love to defend the city from Shredder and the other bad guys, and they LOVE pizza!
Andrew's grandparents own a fabulous pizza shop in our town. They have had it for over 25 years. Andrew had a childhood party there and so when he suggested it I though the idea was perfect!
Hudson's party pretty much planned itself after that. The kids would come and make their own pizzas, a simple game, some cake and presents. Just a really simple, sweet party with our family and Hudson's closest buddies.
When I was setting up, I began to worry if it was enough. (Darn Pinterest for making me feel inadequate at times!!) But when Hudson told Andrew and I it was the best party ever, and I saw his little face beaming and heard his belly laughs with his friends, that worry totally dissipated.
Happy 4th birthday, sweet Hud!
That is until Andrew. Andrew grew up loving TMNT. He had toys, lunch boxes, the bedding set, VHS tapes--he was a die hard.
You can imagine his excitement when Hudson found interest in the turtle gang. Andrew's mom had a whole trunk of old figurines and play sets. Hudson and Andrew started playing with them whenever we were over there. Hud's new found fascination has only grown so when asked what kind of party he wanted for his 4th birthday, it was no surprise when he said Mikey-angelo (his favorite turtle).
What little I know about turtles is that they love a good time, they love to defend the city from Shredder and the other bad guys, and they LOVE pizza!
Andrew's grandparents own a fabulous pizza shop in our town. They have had it for over 25 years. Andrew had a childhood party there and so when he suggested it I though the idea was perfect!
Hudson's party pretty much planned itself after that. The kids would come and make their own pizzas, a simple game, some cake and presents. Just a really simple, sweet party with our family and Hudson's closest buddies.
When I was setting up, I began to worry if it was enough. (Darn Pinterest for making me feel inadequate at times!!) But when Hudson told Andrew and I it was the best party ever, and I saw his little face beaming and heard his belly laughs with his friends, that worry totally dissipated.
Happy 4th birthday, sweet Hud!
Monday, February 16, 2015
My baby is now a boy
Four. FOUR. Let that sink in for a minute. This birthday was tough for me. Every birthday before, I still saw some semblance of my baby, our first baby. But this year, this year he was all boy.
I can't believe the boy who made me a mommy is four. I have watched you change so much this past year, Hudson. You blow me away with how bright you are. You are witty, smart, helpful. You have a wonderful imagination. You are curious. You are sensitive. You watch the world and drink it in and process so many observations that are just beyond.
You have a beautiful heart. You are painstakingly strong-willed. You long to be heard. You see the world in black and white; right and wrong. You distress when things seem unfair. You are learning that fair isn't always going to happen {especially as the oldest of three boys} and grappling to deal with it.
We sent you off to preschool this year. We moved [again] to be close to family and friends [again]. You have been there with your daddy and me through so many changes. Moves, new jobs, new siblings. You are such a strong boy.
I struggle. Oh, how I have struggled to parent you this past year. You are often too smart for your own good. ;) Our personalities, so similar, sometimes clash. We love big. We are convicted to our core. We are both right, always. You have taught me so much about grace. And forgiveness. And second chances. And do overs. And unconditional love.
You became a big brother all over. You have always been so good at it but WOW! Now, to watch you with Gabe. He adores you. You know how to make him laugh. You are gentle and sweet to him. You love him so much. It overflows my cup to watch you care for your baby brother.
And Beau. Your sidekick. Your partner in crime. The thorn in your side. {Depending on the day.} He learns from you. He desires to make YOU laugh. He adores and looks up to you. You have such a big responsibility as the big brother. I have never been more sure of a boy up to the task.
It seems to be going so fast. One more year with you at home most days then {POOF} off to school you'll go. I know there is still so much I want to do with you while you are here with me each day.
Sweet Hudson, I hope you know how loved you are. I pray you know how special you are. How God has planned such great things for you. I pray every day that I can parent you in the way He desires. I pray this next year is filled with so many good things as you continue to learn and grow and charm each person you meet. Your daddy and I are so proud of you. We are so blessed to be your parents.
I can't believe the boy who made me a mommy is four. I have watched you change so much this past year, Hudson. You blow me away with how bright you are. You are witty, smart, helpful. You have a wonderful imagination. You are curious. You are sensitive. You watch the world and drink it in and process so many observations that are just beyond.
You have a beautiful heart. You are painstakingly strong-willed. You long to be heard. You see the world in black and white; right and wrong. You distress when things seem unfair. You are learning that fair isn't always going to happen {especially as the oldest of three boys} and grappling to deal with it.
We sent you off to preschool this year. We moved [again] to be close to family and friends [again]. You have been there with your daddy and me through so many changes. Moves, new jobs, new siblings. You are such a strong boy.
I struggle. Oh, how I have struggled to parent you this past year. You are often too smart for your own good. ;) Our personalities, so similar, sometimes clash. We love big. We are convicted to our core. We are both right, always. You have taught me so much about grace. And forgiveness. And second chances. And do overs. And unconditional love.
You became a big brother all over. You have always been so good at it but WOW! Now, to watch you with Gabe. He adores you. You know how to make him laugh. You are gentle and sweet to him. You love him so much. It overflows my cup to watch you care for your baby brother.
And Beau. Your sidekick. Your partner in crime. The thorn in your side. {Depending on the day.} He learns from you. He desires to make YOU laugh. He adores and looks up to you. You have such a big responsibility as the big brother. I have never been more sure of a boy up to the task.
It seems to be going so fast. One more year with you at home most days then {POOF} off to school you'll go. I know there is still so much I want to do with you while you are here with me each day.
Sweet Hudson, I hope you know how loved you are. I pray you know how special you are. How God has planned such great things for you. I pray every day that I can parent you in the way He desires. I pray this next year is filled with so many good things as you continue to learn and grow and charm each person you meet. Your daddy and I are so proud of you. We are so blessed to be your parents.
Xoxo
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Christmas Traditions
One thing I always looked forward to when thinking about having my own little family were the traditions we would begin. I have so many fond memories of traditions that my parents did with my brothers and I that I knew I wanted to make sure to instill traditions into our family also. Some traditions are ones I grew up with and some are ones Andrew and I are creating with our boys.
Here are some of my favorite holiday traditions:
1. Elf Breakfast
This is one of our first traditions during the holiday season. The weekend after Thanksgiving, our boys wake up to our elf's, Jack's, arrival with a special breakfast. Jack is always center focus on our table and he has brought the boys a little something.
This year I purchased chair backs from Pottery Barn to house the gifts from Jack. He brought our boys Christmas pjs and a new holiday movie.
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Here are some of my favorite holiday traditions:
1. Elf Breakfast
This is one of our first traditions during the holiday season. The weekend after Thanksgiving, our boys wake up to our elf's, Jack's, arrival with a special breakfast. Jack is always center focus on our table and he has brought the boys a little something.
This year I purchased chair backs from Pottery Barn to house the gifts from Jack. He brought our boys Christmas pjs and a new holiday movie.
2. Christmas Lights
Every year we like to load up and go look at lights. There are so many neighborhoods that decorate beautifully. Andrew and I used to be the only ones that would swing through Starbucks and get a hot beverage but this year I *think* we are bumping up the big two to get their own special drinks as we drive around and look.
3. Christmas Eve Gift
Our boys get to open one present from under our tree on Christmas Eve. And that gift is new Christmas pajamas to wear as they wait for Santa. My parents had this tradition when we were younger. It was something I made Andrew participate in when we got married and we continue it on with our boys!
Is there anything sweeter?
Hudson's pjs via
4. Baking Day
The year I was pregnant with Hudson, my mom, sister-in-law and I began baking Christmas goodies together. We would spend the day making some of our favorites and then divide up the batches between our families. It has always been so much fun. Sometimes we can't all get together with our schedules but on the years it works it is always fun. And now, I have helpers all my own that are more than happy to mix and taste-test with me in the kitchen!
2010
2010
2011
2011
5. Happy Birthday, Jesus
On Christmas Eve, after celebrating with Andrew's side, that evening we read the Christmas story and celebrate Jesus' birthday. Before Hudson was born, my mom and I found this wonderful pop-up book that told the story of Jesus' birth in a kid-friendly manner. After we read the story, we sing happy birthday to Jesus and the boys blow out a candle on a birthday cake we had made. Of all the traditions, I think this one is the most important. I love the lights and Santa and all the fun, but I want our boys to understand that Jesus is the reason for the season. That we celebrate his birth all year long because without his birth, we would be without a Savior.
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