Saying Yes...

Mondays around here are pretty busy. However, since Christmas break ended and school started back up, our Mondays seem to be busier than ever! I don't know if it is just the nature of things starting back up or what but goodness! It's been a lot.

Here is how yesterday morning went:
5:30 wake up and have my quiet time
6:15 get ready
6:45 unload dishwasher, start laundry, wake the boys

Then all of the busy, crazy chaos of getting them ready and Hudson off on the bus. As his bus leaves, our speech pathologist is arriving for speech therapy with Gabe. Gabe wraps up speech at 8:40 and I get the boys loaded in the van to take Beau to preschool.

Run back home, switch laundry, pick up from the morning, take Gabe to a well-child check and leave with enough time (barely) to spare to get to preschool pick up on time.

We had to swing by the post office before going home and then I knew it would be a quick rush of lunch and clean up because I had a meeting with our EI case worker about Gabe transferring to the school district for speech.

When days are like this, I like order. I like to keep as much in my control as possible because, well...there isn't a lot of room for error. I don't want to be that person constantly running behind. I want my kids to understand the preciousness of other people's time and respect that. I like to cross as much as I can off my to do list in a day because the list is always getting more items added to it.

So as we pulled into the garage from our post office errand and were unloading and Beau was telling me about his day, my mind was a bit focused on what was coming up next. The boys were unbuckling their carseats and Beau asked, "Mom, how 'bout we play outside while you make lunch? How 'bout that?"

It wasn't super warm and it was a tad windy. But the sun was shining. I weighed my options and realized, saying no really wasn't going to make that much of a difference. So what if the boys were eating when I had a meeting with our EI worker? So what? My hectic day shouldn't always dictate my response to their requests.

As the boys ran around back to play for a bit before lunch (which they finished before my meeting and actually got to go back outside to play during my meeting), I realized I need to be more intentional about saying yes. So often I say no to things that really don't matter. But the yes, they do.

The boys were so excited and happy to be out. They played well and so needed that sunshine and fresh air. After nap and snack when Hudson got home, we went out again to play. It was amazing in all the busyness of the day how that one answer affected not only the boys, but my attitude.

This year I am going to work on saying yes more than no. Working to pause and soak up the little moments of the day with my boys and husband instead of rushing to cross just one more thing off my list of to dos.

The Waiting Phase

We have gotten so much support since Andrew and I announced our plans to adopt. The messages and comments and questions have all been really awesome. It is neat to find out from others who have experienced adoption; to hear their perspectives, their stories, their passion surrounding such a decision. Each story breathes new excitement and hope into our journey ahead.

We've gotten a lot of questions about what's next; where we are in the process.

And this is the hard part. We are in the waiting phase. And not the waiting phase everyone typically assumes when they hear of adoption. We aren't waiting on a child. We are waiting to BEGIN.

One area Andrew was very clear on being secure was the area of our finances. We got married young, had a child young, and added to our family quickly. We never really built up a nest egg, both of use paying for and working during college and then moving so quickly into marriage. We don't regret it. But we do know the role financial stress can play in a marriage. We've heard of the stress the adoption process, especially fostering to adopt, can add to a marriage and a family. We want to eliminate as much stress as possible.

So we wait. We work. We pray.

With each inquiry it has been hard for me. I wonder why we have this desire so strongly if now is a season of waiting. I wonder if we are even really equipped enough to be adding another person to our family. If I'm strong enough. If it will ever feel like the time is ready to take that next step.

I've been praying about all of this. About my doubts and insecurities. About God's plan and timing in this. About helping me to have faith and patience to wait on His perfect timing {because His timing IS always perfect.}

And like water to my thirsty soul, He gave me this thought.

Adoption isn't about how good I am. It's about how good HE is. And that's enough.

This journey is not about Andrew or I. It's not about our timing or our plan. It isn't about what we see as the next right child for our family.

God already knows. I believe he knows the age, gender, and time our next child will enter our family.

This season is absolutely about waiting. I'm to lean into who God is and what He's promised. My faith is to carry me through this season, however long it is. It is not my job to understand this journey, but to GO on this journey, wherever it leads.

This is the waiting phase. And I have complete trust that it is only a phase. The next part in our story.

Parenthood.

Parenthood is so hard. No one really prepares you for it. Probably because that is an impossible task.  How could anyone prepare you for a job that has so many roles wrapped up into it?

Andrew has been traveling a lot. Like 2-3 overnights a week on average. It can be tough. The joy of working from home is that I don't have to miss a moment. The tough part of working from home is that I don't miss a moment. The good and bad, the ugly, the tantrums, the whining, the fights and fits-I'm there for it all. And it is exhausting.

There are days where I feel like I aced the test of the day. The day to day items were taken care of but the whole day seemed to be sprinkled with fun, laughter, joy. Then there are days when I crawl into my bed and swallow giant sobs because I feel like I failed so miserably.

Talk about peaks and valleys.

.            .            .

Andrew and I got Netflix right around Christmastime (Get with the times, I know!!) and just a week or so ago got around to starting a new (to us) series, Parenthood. (Again, we are beyond behind. We know. Be kind.)

The very first episode I was hooked. Any show that can have me laughing out loud one minute and tearing up the next has me. Throw in the chaos of real life, family issues, and the raw honesty that can have you hating a sibling and then backing them up--you've got yourself a fan!!!

.             .            .

I was thinking how true to life that show is. No nice, neat bow to wrap up every episode. Some real messes. Some real trials. Some situations that not all families walk through together and come out on the other side in tact.

I think what draws me in to the show, besides the hilarity and emotion of it all, is that the show is one giant mess wrapped in love and grace.

Isn't it? And isn't that what we all want? To know that in this life, with this family we are given, that no matter the circumstance we will come out the other side in tact because at the end of the day, love and grace abounds,

.            .           .

I think of my boys. So close in age that it is beautiful and exhausting. Their personalities are developing so rapidly that it often causes clashes of their wills. But in the next minute, I see Beau comforting Gabe, Hudson giving up a toy, or body-shaking laughter among the three of them to some joke I am not privy to.

This parenting thing, being their mom, is hard.  I know it is only for a season. But I know every new season brings a new kind of hard. I can only pray that love and grace abounds from our home. That in all we do, it is the guiding force of our parenting, of our choices, of our words.

This week...

It's March! How did that happen??!!

This week has definitely been a typical March week in the Midwest. Sunny one day, sleet the next! Sheesh! C'mon spring! We are pulling for you.

Monday was such a beautiful day. The sun was shining when we woke up! Who can be in a bad mood when the sun greets you? Andrew was so happy to see the sun he started his morning with a run!

I started a new fitness program that is HIIT cardio based and am practicing working out in a fasted state. So after I served my boys breakfast, I immediately got my workout in while they joined me played. After my workout, I joined in on the playing. Right now my boys go from playing well together like best buds to fighting over everything. It is the beast and the blessing of having three boys so close in age.

To take a break from all the fighting, we did a little food prep together. We cut and washed all the fruits and veggies. We made egg muffins and these delicious blueberry, banana oatmeal muffins. I roasted some brussel sprouts to pair with some lunches for me this week too.

We ate our lunch a little early because the weather was so beautiful. Blue skies, warm and breezy. We met one of my friends and her daughter for a walk. We loaded up the doubles and took the longest walk. There was a park along the way that we stopped to play at.

I marveled at how big my boys actually are. They were all so capable of the stairs and slides and swings. I kept thinking how this will be the first summer without a baby or a pregnancy; with just my boys and Gabe as a toddler. I am definitely excited for all the adventures.

Tuesday greeted us with gray skies. What a bummer! Fortunately, we had morning errands to keep us busy. It was my scheduled appointment with my brow gal and can I just sidetrack for a second. A good brow gal is a NECESSITY, ladies!!! It's been about a year and I am just so embarrassed at my old brows that were shapeless and too thin! Yikes! Bonus--I take my boys with me because she always gets me right in at my appointment and is so sweet as she chats with my and my littles.

We then had to make a grocery grab for a few items, swing by the bank and mail out a package to one of my coaches. Hudson and Beau really needed haircuts but the temperature had really dropped and Gabe was really over errands so we went home and I opened up "Salon Mom".

Tuesday night we tried a new recipe for dinner that every one ate. My boys don't always love fish and it didn't crisp quite the way I anticipated but it was pretty good overall. I am ready for grilling weather to come. All the recipes I want to try just scream summer and I can't take myself to make them when sleet is happening outside my window.

We've been reading the Little House on the Prairie series with our boys and are almost done with On the Banks of Plum Creek. No matter what the chapter is on, Hudson always has about 5-10 questions after. Why, what, how?? It is thrilling (and sometimes exhausting) to see how he is trying to wrap his mind around what he is hearing. I love the curiosity he has. We then read a story from the boys' Jesus Calling Bible. And both Beau and Hud have questions, request one more story. They are getting pretty gutsy in trying to stretch their bedtime routine out.

Wednesday was a whirlwind. Everyone seemed to wake up early. (PTL for the pre-made breakfasts we had!) Hudson's classmates were having a play date after preschool at the museum but I had SO MUCH to do. I have really been trying to instill a sense of responsibility in our big boys; helping them to understand that being a helper is valued. I made a deal if they helped me with some of the house cleaning before Hudson's preschool we could do the play date.

They were such good, cheerful helpers! I was so proud of their work! After drop-off, Beau and Gabe "helped" me finish the cleaning, I got my workout in, and we all got cleaned up before pick up time! Their hard work was rewarded with Jimmy John's lunch and play time at the museum.

Andrew is traveling this week and I had a small group meeting so my mom came over to watch the boys. I am so thankful for the people in my small group. I love doing life with them and sharing all the good, bad and hard.

Sometimes during the day, in the hustle of activity, household responsibilities and the trying time that is raising three littles, I can lose sight of how precious these days are. But I know how blessed I am to be able to be in their every moment.

Life Lately

Around here, it has been a heck of a week. No easing us back into the school and work routine.  Andrew has spent the last three evenings away working late which has made some long(er) days for this mama!

Honestly, when Andrew really dove into his job at this time last year, he traveled WAY more and it was WAY harder because everyone was a year younger.  Trying to really focus  more on the joy in each stage of life (you can read more about some of my goals here), I decided to actively try to thank God throughout out the day.

"Thank you God that Gabe can get a snack out of the snack drawer while I cook dinner so he doesn't just stand at my feet and whine..."

"Thank you God that two are out of diapers and can wipe their own sweet cheeks.."

"Thank you God for these little hands to help me put this laundry into the dryer..."

"Thank you God for friends that live close by to play with (to ensure really good naps at nap time today)..."

I know some of those are silly but keeping a thankful heart really helped me with perspective.  Motherhood is hard. And days without my partner are long but I am so thankful for the responsibility of this task and a Heavenly Father who is always with me to help me through.

I've been making weekly lists lately. Each day I delegate a few tasks to get done. It has helped me be really productive not only in the housework, but in my business, while also making sure I get to spend time with the boys. I used to have things pile up and then spend a whole couple of days trying to get everything done and that wasn't good for anybody. This system is working out nicely!

Gabe got a haircut this week. I just can't bring myself to take him to get his haircut yet. He seems to little for the chair.  And it seriously doesn't take but 10 minutes so way not save myself the hassle.  Isn't he darling??

The boys have also been OBSESSED with games since getting some new ones for Christmas.  I am thrilled we have graduated from Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders (the games that never end, amen?!!?). Headbandz, Guess Who, Pie Face, Minion Memory- all some of our favorites.  It is really fun to watch Hudson and Beau get so animated as we play. And to see their little minds search for the right word, question, or guess.

I'm not sure how much longer we can bathe all three together because, well space and age, but I sure do love their conversations as they get clean and ready for bed each night.

I am halfway through week 3 of my new workout program, Hammer and Chisel, and am loving it!!! It has hands down my new favorite program (and I have done a lot of different at home workouts). Even more than that, I am seeing some awesome results. I am down 7 pounds and several inches in just 2.5 weeks. And my current accountability group are all seeing results too! It is so exciting to be a part of helping other women find inner strength and a path to better health!

That's about it around here! Today was FINALLY a warm day; temperatures in the 50s. The boys and I got some outdoor playtime in after lunch. Two on one soccer, scooter riding, and swinging!

Peace out, diapers!

As much as I wish I was saying good-bye to ALL diapers, that is not my reality.  But two in diapers? That nonsense had to stop.

Hudson potty trained right after his second birthday.  He had all kinds of signs that he was ready plus he was waking up in the morning with a dry diaper.  DRY, people!!! Within just a week he was fully trained and we were back to just one in diapers.

When Beau turned two, there was no way I was about to tackle potty training him. Gabe was just a couple of months old, we had just moved and there weren't any real concrete signs that he was ready.  I knew that pushing him to do something when he wasn't ready would only make it a nightmare for me and a very not fun environment for everyone else.

I wasn't really sure when we would start potty training Beau but he started to show some signs and I thought, "now or never".

The Tuesday after Easter is when I decided to begin.  Why Tuesday and not Monday? I don't really know. But, Tuesday is a preschool day which means our mornings are hectic and Andrew left that morning to go out of town.  So my timing could not have been worse better! Ha!

I know there are a lot of theories and ways to potty train.  For me, once we decide to ditch the diapers, they are gone.  It is right into underwear full time.  No pull-ups, diapers, nothing! 

The first day (or two depending on how it goes) I set up camp on our hardwood with the little potty. I have all kinds of activities to keep Beau occupied in there and he is in his underwear. (Hudson we trained pantless the first day and that worked like a charm!) I gave Beau tons of liquids to make sure there were ample opportunities to use the potty.  I set the timer and every 15 minutes we took a break to try to potty.  

The kid did great! The first two days there were only two accidents--both when I went to feed Gabe and put him down.  

He only woke up wet once that first week and has only had one nighttime accident since. (I attribute that to us eating dinner much later and him have fluids much closer to bedtime). 

We have had an accident or two in the weeks since our training week but I feel like Beau is officially trained! It feels great to have only one in diapers.  

When did you potty train your kiddos? What methods worked for you? 

Questions

Gabe will be 7 months on Sunday. SEVEN months.

And I have all these feelings.  All these thoughts.  I started this blog because I wanted a place to look back on our life and see snapshots.  To know and remember my kids at different stages.  To record my thoughts on raising them so they would have a scrapbook of sorts one day.  And while I'm not always consistent, I am so grateful for this little space. And I think, if this is the space that shows our life, I have to record this piece too.

How do you know when your last baby is your last? How do you know when your family is complete?

I look at my three, beautiful, HEALTHY boys and know what blessings they are to me.  I am beyond grateful. I did nothing to deserve them.  I am no one special, yet somehow, they are my biggest accomplishments.

But there is still this ache.  This longing and desire for another.  I can't place it.  I can't even put my finger on why.  Lord knows there are days when I am sure He questions giving me one, let alone three! So how could I possibly think one more would be a good idea??? Yet with the same breath I am cursing my skin that is so tough to tighten back up, I would do it all again.  In a heartbeat.

But where do you draw the line? Will I always ache for the weight of a newborn in my arms? Will there always be a small piece of my heart that longs to see that pregnant show up? To sport a little {BIG} baby bump??

I want to be the best mom.  I want to give my boys everything.  I want to show them things in this world, and teach them, and be so very present in their lives.

I am conflicted.  Can I do all that if we have another? Is it selfish to want another? Andrew and I already work so hard.  We have such young ones, is it selfish to want another and steal time away from him and I?

I don't know what the future holds.  I don't know what God's plan is for our family; if we are complete or not.  But I do trust that He will guide us.

And in the mean time, I will soak up every minute with my babies.

My baby is now a boy

Four.  FOUR.  Let that sink in for a minute.  This birthday was tough for me.  Every birthday before, I still saw some semblance of my baby, our first baby.  But this year, this year he was all boy.

I can't believe the boy who made me a mommy is four.  I have watched you change so  much this past year, Hudson.  You blow me away with how bright you are.  You are witty, smart, helpful.  You have a wonderful imagination.  You are curious.  You are sensitive.  You watch the world and drink it in and process so many observations that are just beyond.

You have a beautiful heart.  You are painstakingly strong-willed.  You long to be heard.  You see the world in black and white; right and wrong.  You distress when things seem unfair.  You are learning that fair isn't always going to happen {especially as the oldest of three boys} and grappling to deal with it.

We sent you off to preschool this year.  We moved [again] to be close to family and friends [again]. You have been there with your daddy and me through so many changes.  Moves, new jobs, new siblings. You are such a strong boy.

I struggle. Oh, how I have struggled to parent you this past year.  You are often too smart for your own good. ;) Our personalities, so similar, sometimes clash.  We love big. We are convicted to our core.  We are both right, always. You have taught me so much about grace. And forgiveness. And second chances. And do overs. And unconditional love.

You became a big brother all over.  You have always been so good at it but WOW! Now, to watch you with Gabe.  He adores you.  You know how to make him laugh.  You are gentle and sweet to him.  You love him so much.  It overflows my cup to watch you care for your baby brother.

And Beau.  Your sidekick.  Your partner in crime.  The thorn in your side. {Depending on the day.} He learns from you. He desires to make YOU laugh.  He adores and looks up to you. You have such a big responsibility as the big brother.  I have never been more sure of a boy up to the task.

It seems to be going so fast.  One more year with you at home most days then {POOF} off to school you'll go.  I know there is still so much I want to do with you while you are here with me each day.

Sweet Hudson, I hope you know how loved you are. I pray you know how special you are.  How God has planned such great things for you.  I pray every day that I can parent you in the way He desires.  I pray this next year is filled with so many good things as you continue to learn and grow and charm each person you meet.  Your daddy and I are so proud of you.  We are so blessed to be your parents.

Xoxo

Gabe: Two Months

It doesn't even seem possible that our sweet guy is two months old today.  How did two months already come and go? {Although Andrew said it seems like it should be longer because being in the hospital feels like it was years ago with all that has been going on these past few months. #true}

Gabe, you are such a good baby. You have a really great temperament. You have changed so much from the tiny peanut you were on your birth day.  I love being your mama so much! I am so grateful for you, sweet boy!

This Month:
You are so strong. You lift your head and can hold it up so well.  You've started smiling lots this month.  I love your sweet smile.  You are wearing 3 month clothes and they fit great most of the time.  Sometimes a 3-6 month outfit seems to fit better.

Eating:
You eat all the time.  You are quite the little chunk.  You typically eat every 2.5-3 hours.  This includes nighttime.  You may have one stretch that is about 4-5 but lately you seem to want to eat as often as possible. You eat typically 3-4 ounces during your feedings. You take your feedings from a bottle so you can control how quickly it comes out. You have been much happier since we made that adjustment.

Sleeping:
You have gotten into a nice little routine (or so it seems). You take two long naps each day {morning and afternoon} and smaller catnap around dinner time.  You are usually asleep for the night by 8.  Sometimes you stretch out until your next feeding, sometimes not.  You typically wake for the day around 6:30 or 7 the next morning.  You fall asleep easily and love to be swaddled.  You don't take a paci {we've tried}.

Likes:
-to stretch out.
-to watch your brothers play.
-when mommy or daddy talk to you.
-listen to stories with your brothers.
-walks in your Baby Bjorn.
-to eat.
-bath time.

Dislikes:
-tummy time
-getting out of the bath
-car seat {you may be out growing this though}

In the trenches

Do you ever have those days? Days where you feel like all you've done is correct? Redirect? Put your kids in time-out? Days where your patience is short and the grace you extend seems to be limited.  Days when it seems like your kids are constantly bickering, crying, needing a referee?

Motherhood is hard.  There are days when my head hits the pillow and all I can think about are the ways I am failing.  Ways I should have parented better.  Vows I make to be better tomorrow.  I want so desperately to be the best mom; best wife; best {fill in the blank}. I am overwhelmed with the feeling that every choice, word, action has an affect on who my children become.  As mothers, we have this enormous responsibility to raise our children into good people.

People who love others; are kind and considerate; contribute to society; have morals and standards; love Christ and follow him wholeheartedly. This list goes on forever.

There are days when my head hits the pillow and I just let the tears fall and wonder if I can really do this.  When I doubt if God knew what he was doing entrusting these boys to me.  Can I really handle it all and do it well?

And that is when he reminds me that I can't. Not on my own.  He doesn't want me to do anything on my own.  He wants to do everything with me.  

I am so thankful for His grace.  For grace that is enough.  That I can be an extension of that grace to my children.  I am thankful for forgiveness when I mess up and yell or am short with the boys.  I am thankful that he can use me, in all my imperfections, to teach my boys.  I am thankful that he did trust me with my three.  I am thankful that on the days when I feel absolutely lost and not enough, he is there to remind me that I am.

And one day, I will blink and my boys won't be boys but men.  The sleepless nights, whining, bickering will be gone.  There will be no one tugging on my shirt (or spitting up on it).  No one needing one more drink, or story, or snack.  Five more minutes will be a question about curfew instead of snuggling.  So I am thankful that on even the really hard days, God reminds me of that.

I'm still alive

Hello blog world!

First--hats off to you mamas (especially those who have just had babies) who blog regularly and are witty and just seem to have it all together! I keep wanting to sit down and blog about our life but oh my goodness life is H-E-C-T-I-C! I seriously get interrupted from said blogging about a billion times.  Which I hate because {one} the reason behind this blog is to document our lives and I want to remember all this time because I am sure I won't with as little sleep as I have been going off of!

So here is me committing to {trying} getting my act together and blogging more! I try to keep up on all the blogs I love to read but even that is falling to the wayside! {WAHHH!!!}

So let's just keep it short and sweet today.  Here are some pics that I have neglected to post the past few weeks.

Just adoring their brother

Recovering together..that is what motherhood looks like. 

Exhausted :)

So sweet! 

Gas smiles I'm sure

Cheese!

What's in my hospital bag?

Being that we spent all of July away, I just got around to packing  my hospital bag.  And to be honest, even though this going to be our third delivery, I kind of forgot what to take! Ha!

I do know I way over-packed for my first and scaled it WAY back this time.  So, in no particular order, here are MY hospital bag essentials. If you are someone who went into labor or doesn't have a scheduled section, you may want to take something to pass the time or your list could be different all together.  These are just  my personal picks.

{O N E}
Comfy clothes.  I have had two c-sections so will be having one this go round.  Anything with a tighter band is not my friend.  It lays across the incision and is terribly uncomfortable and painful.  My friends gifted me with some really loose and comfy PJ capris and a tee.  I tossed in some comfy (and cute) PJ shorts, extra tees and tanks, my robe, and some really big underwear.  I usually buy some non-sexy, cheap underwear to toss because, well, you've just had a major surgery and you just won't want those things around. I also recommend bringing a robe and a going home outfit for yourself.

{ T W O}
Toiletries.  Nothing was more amazing (and again, a little painful) than my shower hospital.  But I loved every 4 minutes that I could bare it last time. (Seriously, I kid. I have never thought cesarean recovery was all that bad. Just my personal experience.) I like having my bad ready so I bought a travel size of all the toiletries I would need, disposable razors, extra loofah, shower shoes, etc.  It just makes things easier and if I want to pitch it, that is one less thing to take home. (You have flowers and gifts and oh, that new baby to cart home anyway!) I also take my make-up.  I do.  Don't care.  ***Make sure of your toiletries you include lotion and chap stick.  Hospitals tend to be very dry.***

{T H R E E}
Camera and charger.  You aren't allowed to video during a section but we {Andrew} sure do flash away the pictures as soon as our guys arrive.  I love to relive those moments through the photos taken and to capture shots those first few days we are in the hospital.  So definitely pack it.  Nurses are also amazing at snapping your first shots with your new addition.

{F O U R}
Abdominal binder.  I did not know I was going to have a section with Hudson.  We actually labored for about 18 hours before his section.  Before he was born I had been reading up on abdominal binders, or belly bands, for women after birth to help their uterus get back to normal quicker, to relieve pressure as your body reshapes, etc.  It sounded amazing.  Well, one c-section later, I thought my purchase was a waste.  I asked my doctor at the time about using it (one day post-op) and he saw no problem.  That little wrap became my best friend.  I feel like it was even more beneficial since I had c-section.  It gave my back support, put pressure on the incision in the right way (like holding a pillow to your stomach but constant) and helped the incision area not be pulled as my body was "reshaping" (we'll just word it like that so it doesn't sound so gross). I used it again after Beau and am definitely using it after G arrives. I bought the Belly Bandit.  It is ok.  There are other ones out there that have better reviews.  Many hospitals also provide them upon request and can bill your insurance company.  Just ask and shop around.

{F I V E}
Items for baby.  This is where I completely OVER-PACKED with Hudson.  The hospital gives you diapers, wipes, ointments (if your little guy needs any). Really anything and everything the baby needs.  Use it! You are going to get billed for it anyway! No need to pack a ton of your own.  The only items I pack for baby now are some onesies, outfits, blankets and his lovie.  There is just no need for tons of extras and again, you seriously feel like you are leaving with a ton more than you came with anyway so no need to add to that feeling.

{S I X}
Proof of insurance and ID.  You probably already have this in your purse but I put mine in my handy little wallet, zipper pouch, whatever you want to call it because again, I do not want to haul my purse, hospital bag and pregnant belly in nor do I want to haul all that plus new baby out.  No thanks. I'll keep it simple.

{S E V E N}
Big brother gifts.  Our boys will be receiving a gift from G for them being his big brothers.  I don't care what anyone says this whole adding a new kid to the mix has got to be hard.  And although a sibling should be gift enough, we have gifts for our boys.  It isn't anything too extravagant but something that they will enjoy and can play with as our house transitions. Hudson actually can tell you what he got in the hospital from Beau. We never really even talked about it.  He just remembers. So I take that as a sign that it helped.

{E I G H T}
Last but not least, PILLOWS! Body pillow, pillow from your bed, Boppy, whatever you desire! I can not stand not having pillows and since I basically sleep on my back almost upright after my sections, having some extra comfort from home is the only item I deem necessary in regards to the hauling of extra stuff!

{N I N E}
Have hubby pack a bag.  This time around we are an hour from our hospital so Andrew can't just run home and grab a shower or a change of clothes as easily.  He will probably want some of that (and a pillow) for himself.  See how this stuff accumulates?? Less is more!!

Other mamas, what am I forgetting? Anything essential? What did you take in your bag that was a MUST? I'd love to hear!

Being A Boy Mom

As our delivery date is quickly approaching, I can't help but seem to reflect on being a boy mom.  Some days Andrew gets home from work and in the chaos of playing outside, the boys running around, or me trying to get dinner going, I ask, "Seriously. How are we going to handle another boy?"

I always knew I wanted to be a mother.  It was a desire in my heart that dates back the furthest.  Mothering was instinctual when it came to my babies and my little brother.  Growing up with two brothers, being in a family with both genders, I naturally assumed I would always have my own little family mixed with some boys and girls.

I can remember the weeks leading up to our 20 week ultrasound.  I was focused on the baby being healthy first, but I also was trying to get some inkling as to what the gender would be.  The pregnancy didn't feel different, and although most gender test results revealed girl, I kept telling Andrew that I thought boy.  Not because of mother's intuition, but because, if I'm being honest, I didn't want to get my hopes up.  I sound terrible, right? Ungrateful even.  But that wasn't it.  I just knew that Andrew and I were to a point in life where we wondered if this was going to be our last pregnancy and I didn't want to think girl and find out it was a boy and be slightly disappointed.

At our ultrasound, it was a family affair.  Andrew was there and we took the boys since we live further from family and our appointment was mid-day.  When they announced boy and began talking about how he was measuring and assuring us he was healthy and on track, I felt relief.  And I felt a bit of panic--THREE boys three and under?? And then I felt a bit of sadness.  No proms.  No wedding dress shopping.  No sidekick to go get a pedicure with. My mind kept replaying that saying: "A daughter is a daughter for life. A son is a son until he gets a wife." {Who wrote that diatribe up anyway??} I wondered, as if my boys were leaving the nest any day, if they would get married and get wrapped up in a family other than our own; if my future daughter-in-laws would love me and see me as a companion and not just the mother-in-law.

Well time has passed and God has used his Holy Spirit, His word, and some sweet truths spoken from dear friends, to reveal to my heart how lucky I am to be a boy mom.

I may not ever have that companionship with a daughter to do girly things with, but I get the honor of teaching my boys about the girly things, so they are sensitive and attentive to their one day wives.

Being a boy mom may mean football practices and sweaty pads over dance recitals and ribbons, but I get to encourage them to use their strength that God has placed in them in ways to serve Him on and off the field.

Being a boy mom means that I am the first female my boys will love. That I am the model who shows them what being a wife is; what being a mother is; what being a woman after God's heart looks like.  They will look to me for that without even knowing it.  The responsibility of that task is overwhelming, yet God has thought to give me three boys to show that to.  Humbling doesn't begin to describe.

Being a boy mom means that as their mother, I get to have those sensitive conversations that help them understand that female mind given my perspective.  I get to help shape my boys into men that see women as God created them to be; not as the world idolizes, sexualizes and promotes them to be. I will be the one who has the conversations about clothes and make-up with my boys so they can recognize true beauty, inner beauty in a world that bombards them a focus on outer.

I have the great task to pray for their future wives, my future daughters.  To pray that God keeps her safe and pure.  To pray that God molds her into a woman that will fit perfectly with my son, that they will compliment one another and lift each other up. To pray that I will be another mother to her and that our relationship will be blessed.

I have the responsibility, my husband and I, to teach our boys to be strong without apology; to be men of integrity and faith; to be servants; to be dreamers.  I have the responsibility to teach our boys that there are some things that men do better {just as there are some things women do better} and to be proud of those things.

As a friend pointed out, our country, our world, is in desperate need for men of God. Men after God's own heart.  And God trusted three of them to Andrew and me.

There are perks of being a boy mom I never really noticed until this past summer as Hudson is really becoming my big boy.

I always get all the flowers.  I get the first kisses and their hugs.  They are gentler with me than with their dad.  I won't have to have the birds and the bees talk with any of my boys (same gender parent does that one).  I get to eat my meals out in peace {kind of} because it is Andrew that takes our Hudson to the restroom.  I don't have to worry about explaining why a crop top or booty shorts are inappropriate.  {PTL boy clothes are easier..at least right now} They come to me when they are sad and I can make it better.  They can express why they are sad versus having to many emotions to articulate {their mama totes that quality}.  On a long car trip if someone really has to go, we have the option of just pulling over for a quick stop {no rest area needed}.

So maybe I won't get to watch my daughter try on a wedding dress.  {Or maybe this baby isn't the end of babies for us.} But my prayer is I grow my boys into men who choose women who will allow me to be present.  My prayer is that I partner with God for this task.  And that I always thank Him for the blessing it is to be a boy mom.

credit TEP

credit TEP

Thankful for sick days

I had another post planned for today but as luck would have it, life happened.  And in the midst of that life, these thoughts overwhelmed me.

Let me back up.  Today's agenda was quite clear.  I needed to clean the house.  The boys and I had been back in Decatur a lot the last couple of weeks (and our family is going to Decatur again this weekend to celebrate Uncle Aaron's graduation) so our house needed a good, deep clean.  Andrew had done his best at keeping it picked up, but we all know the difference between picked up and clean, right? *Ahem*

So I woke up and got in gear. However, when the boys woke up, Hudson was a little off.  He is our morning person.  He practically bounces out of bed and sings his good morning to you.  This morning, not the case.  He looked a little meek and said his throat hurt.  Well, what can you do for a sore throat? Not a whole lot. And with the weather going from summer to winter to spring this week, I just chalked it up to weather changes and told him to take it easy.

After I cleaned up breakfast and got us dressed, I made a list for Wal-Mart.  We needed a few household items and cleaning supplies so just a quick trip but Hudson kept making whining noises.  This exhausts me  tries my patience.  I ask him, "Do you think you are going to get sick?" **Sidenote- Hudson is our puker. When he doesn't feel well, especially with a sore throat, we usually get vomit. He assured me he was fine.

Our Wal-Mart trip took about 15 minutes.  That's right, folks. Be impressed. In our small town, it is just a regular ole Wal-Mart, not the super kind with groceries and given that it was still early in the day, it was not busy at all. So we are on our merry way, with Hudson still whining, and me continuing to ask the puke question.  I assure him he will be alright, let's just get home and then he can rest.

We make it home and are in the house and of course, it's been an hour, and this pregnant mama has drank about half a gallon of water already, so is scurrying to the bathroom after putting Hudson in bed.

Are you there with me yet? Do you see where this day is going? Not even washing my hands yet and Hudson is bursting through the door in tears and I just know.  It is coming and there is nothing I can do to stop it.  My poor guy get sick all over the bathroom.  And then starts really crying. Which makes Beau cry.  And I am just trying to wash my hands so I can handle this mess and not join him in throwing up.

I'll spare you the details, but Hudson also had gotten sick before making it to the bathroom.  In his bed.  You know, the one with the clean sheets from this morning's chore?

Now, let me be honest.  Normally these situations overwhelm me a little bit.  I don't really know why except that I am really OCD, hate sick kiddos because I feel helpless, but hate puke even more.  But today, no feeling of being overwhelmed.  I calmed Beau and Hudson, got everything cleaned up and re-sheeted the bed.  Then Hudson laid down and fell asleep.  As Beau and I were cleaning (read: I was cleaning, Beau was running between my feet so it was more a game of how long before the pregnant lady tumbles) I kept thinking, "Thank you God."

Wait- what? Really?

Yes.  Because I was home.  Last year whenever one of the boys would get sick, it was a scramble to decide who should stay home, who's schedule was less demanding that day.  Or if the sitter would call, trying to get sub plans ready hurriedly so I could be out the door. {And any teacher knows that sub plans are almost a punishment so you go to work even when you are not sure you can make just to avoid having to write them.}  Not today.  Today I could be there to calm my kids down.  I got to clean up his mess and dry his tears.  No worrying or rushing.

God reminded me today of how great His plans are for us.  He reminded me of the way He proves His love me over and over, through honoring the desire's of my heart but pointing out ways to be thankful I wouldn't have recognized a year ago.

So yes, I am thankful for the sick days.

Mom's Day

Happy Mother's Day!!

I am unwinding from my day with family.  It was such a sweet, simple day.  But first, let me back up to last night when I celebrated with MY mama!!  For that time was sweet too and also offered me a reminder that I so desperately needed.

As a grown up daughter, I don't always know what to get my mom on holidays or for special occasions.  One thing I have realized is I miss spending time together.  We still get together now but growing up we would go do things together just the two of us. As our lives have evolved and I have become a busy mom myself, it is harder to sometimes find time to do things together that are just our own without the littles.

I had been hearing about the movie Mom's Night Out and I knew that a night at the movies would be a fun treat for us both.  And a treat it was.  If you are a mom, GO SEE THIS MOVIE!! If your children are grown, you will recall the days of having little ones.  And if you have little ones, you will relate to the chaos of life the main character experiences in the day to day.

There were so many parts of that movie that resonated deep within me.  My mom and I both had tears at times.

I blog to document our family, our lives, and so my children will look back and have these detailed memories and photos all in one place.  But I also blog to connect to other mommies.  To read about their lives, their joys and their struggles.  But one thing I rarely BLOG about is my struggles as a mom. One of the scenes of the movie showed the mom talking with her husband about how she dreamed of a life as a wife and mother and how having that dream now she felt unhappy.  And y'all-- I have felt that way.

I grew up with that exact dream in mind.  Knowing that desire was placed in my heart by the God who created me.  It was the one desire I was most certain of and that never waivered.  But motherhood is hard.  And messy.  And it can be lonely.

That movie reminded me to that God created me and blessed me with these boys as my own because He choose me to be their mama.  Knowing all my shortcomings; knowing all the ways I would fail (daily); knowing exactly who I was, He choose ME!  That is quite a statement.  He deemed me enough, not in my own strength, but in HIS.

With that thought on my mind and expanding in my heart, I woke up this morning even more grateful to hold the title mom.  I came down the stairs (we are at my parents') and was greeted from Hudson with a smile and a "Happy birthday, Mama!" and a big cheesy grin from Beau.

My boys know me so well, running to give me a new workout bag filled with bright workout gear.
They greeted me after church with handmade finger-print flowers on paper printed with a poem.  Neither wanted to sit with Dad so the three of us were squeezed into one side of the booth at lunch (which Beau screamed through).  We played at the park and took their Gammy to get frozen yogurt. And throughout the day, I was reminded that though this day is a bit of a Hallmark holiday, these boys were the best gift I have received.

I hope you other mothers were blessed on your special day.  But more that that, I hope that you are filled with the knowledge and peace that you are enough.  That God is equipping you every day for all the challenges of motherhood that you are going to face.  Every stage, every phase, every mess, every tantrum.

I also can't end this post without acknowledging all the women out there whose arms are aching to hold their own baby.  Although I don't know the heartache of having to wait, I do know the pain of loss.  I can imagine that this day is hard and painful.  Feel my heartfelt prayers for you.