In the trenches

Do you ever have those days? Days where you feel like all you've done is correct? Redirect? Put your kids in time-out? Days where your patience is short and the grace you extend seems to be limited.  Days when it seems like your kids are constantly bickering, crying, needing a referee?

Motherhood is hard.  There are days when my head hits the pillow and all I can think about are the ways I am failing.  Ways I should have parented better.  Vows I make to be better tomorrow.  I want so desperately to be the best mom; best wife; best {fill in the blank}. I am overwhelmed with the feeling that every choice, word, action has an affect on who my children become.  As mothers, we have this enormous responsibility to raise our children into good people.

People who love others; are kind and considerate; contribute to society; have morals and standards; love Christ and follow him wholeheartedly. This list goes on forever.

There are days when my head hits the pillow and I just let the tears fall and wonder if I can really do this.  When I doubt if God knew what he was doing entrusting these boys to me.  Can I really handle it all and do it well?

And that is when he reminds me that I can't. Not on my own.  He doesn't want me to do anything on my own.  He wants to do everything with me.  

I am so thankful for His grace.  For grace that is enough.  That I can be an extension of that grace to my children.  I am thankful for forgiveness when I mess up and yell or am short with the boys.  I am thankful that he can use me, in all my imperfections, to teach my boys.  I am thankful that he did trust me with my three.  I am thankful that on the days when I feel absolutely lost and not enough, he is there to remind me that I am.

And one day, I will blink and my boys won't be boys but men.  The sleepless nights, whining, bickering will be gone.  There will be no one tugging on my shirt (or spitting up on it).  No one needing one more drink, or story, or snack.  Five more minutes will be a question about curfew instead of snuggling.  So I am thankful that on even the really hard days, God reminds me of that.