After all of these years, it still surprises me when I try to make a plan but then feel a tug to go a different direction.

I'm a planner to my core. I like organization. I like to know the details. I like consistency and order. I thrive on checklists, tidiness, and a well thought out plan. I like to let loose and have fun, but I also want to know what's coming next.

I have a tendency to make plans for my life.  I always have.  I knew what I wanted to go to college and study. I knew I wanted to be married young and have a family right away.  I knew I wanted two boys and two girls. I knew I wanted to have the perfect house, in the perfect neighborhood (preferably in the south) and to spend my days teaching and my summers taking my little family to the pool.

In a lot of ways, God knew the plans and desires of my heart. And in a lot of ways, my life seemed to go as planned, minus the two boys and two girls part. ;)

Yet, there has been a lot I haven't planned on. I didn't plan on the first year of marriage being so trying. I didn't plan how hard it was to learn to live with someone and put them first and to truly be the kind of wife Christ calls us to be. I didn't plan on having a c-section with our first (with all) child. I didn't plan that after having our first son, I would struggle with feeling down. I didn't plan to quit my job at the time I did and I never planned on moving to a small town I had only heard of once before.

All of those "unplanned" parts of my life God used. In every season of difficulty was growth. My faith was deepened because I leaned in to God and his constant, unwavering love. He pulled me in and spoke truths to my heart.

I think for me, those seasons of growth were necessary. They were necessary because, without them, I wouldn't be aware of God's voice. I wouldn't be seeking so deeply His plan for my life. He has proven over and over that His plans are so much better.

This last year has revealed new plans for my life.  Plans I never expected.  I don't know when or how, but God has gently tugged and whispered to my heart, creating a desire so deep that it moves me to tears when I think about it.

I'm still a planner. I still thrive on details and organization and consistency. I still love to know what's coming. But I'm learning to release the details to the One who has orchestrated them all so much better than any plan I've ever come up with.